Half term hols have been good to me

 The half term has passed - and it has been wonderful.

 The kids went with Gulz to Cornwall  for three days, whilst I stayed at home!

 Having knowingly that free time, 3 full days, is funny.

First of all, the prospect is exciting, as there are so many options and  things to do.  It takes me a while to relax into it and not speed into doing-doing-doing things clock-watching. Running every morning helped  to chill and calm me the f down, so I could approach my days with pleasure rather than  with 17 purposes- damn you, perpetual To Do list;  I didn't follow the training plan this week - instead of short intervals sessions I chose to run a 10km average for an hour or so, every morning, and without music or podcasts, as a sort of meditation.

I saw friends from way back in the day, that I have not seen for years and years, certainly from before having kids, when I was a different person.  Ex-ci-Tiiiiinggggggg!!! That was such a breath of fresh air, and so comforting- I expected a lot of nostalgia for the times I half remember now, and there was nostalgia and loads of stories that was great to recount together, but mainly the wish to keep more connected with them. And somewhat to my surprise I found myself coming home  really happy to have seen them, to know that they're doing good, and really happy with where I'm at, in my head, in my life now. 

I also planned - and succeeded, in having little rambles on my own, like I used to, in Camden, and Charing Cross Road, to hunt for good and cheap second hand books.

The other thing that I enjoyed was being on my own in this house that is always full of noise, plans,  promises, threats before bedtimes, spilled juice, refereeing the kids, leftover half bowls of pasta, lolipop sticks nudged between sofa cushions, and god, that mountain of laundry. I liked the silence a lot. I slumbered from sofas to bed and back finishing my book, I relaxed so much.

 After a day and a bit, I could actually get a sense of myself outside the parenting role, and of changing gears instead of an even better or more comprehensive To do list.  Is it bad to not have missed my family? However when they came back I was really glad to see them, and we again fit like a glove together and resumed the mayhem.